courageous living
My Burden to Carry
by Joyce Villeneuve on 01/26/12
1 Chronicles 28:20
And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD.
As we celebrated Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, I was reminded of a vision I had a few years ago.
I was working on a campaign for Sanctity of Human Life and while the whole campaign was going well, one element of the campaign, the television component, was in turmoil. Long story short, that television spot was cut from the campaign and I went home that day with a heavy heart. I knew that was a huge mistake, but I did not have the authority to override that decision.
At the end of the evening, still feeling extremely sad over the issue, I looked in the mirror as I often did and prayed to the Lord.
"I did my very best," I said. "But, it was not good enough."
The tears poured down my cheeks as I contemplated the terrible results that would come from that television spot not airing and I felt the burden deeply. As I fell into a restless sleep, I had a vision. In that vision, I was on a mountaintop with Jesus by my side. He smiled at me and showed me a gathering of people on the mountaintop and down the sides into the valley as far as the eye could see. He didn't have to say a word. I understood that those were the thousands of people who had been saved from abortion. The feeling around that scene was one of joy and celebration, hope and light.
Then I smelled something terrible and looked at Jesus.
"What is that?" I whispered to Him.
He turned and with great sorrow on His face, showed me a door. Even before the door opened, I knew that there was an abortion taking place behind that door. I looked at the scene unfolding before me and was overwhelmed by the smell of blood, even before I saw the full destruction in that room. Somehow, I knew that not airing that television commercial had cost us the little baby who had just been aborted. I could not see the baby, yet, in my heart, I knew it was a little boy.
I fell to my knees weeping, feeling the heavy burden of not having done enough. Maybe, I should have fought harder. Maybe there was something that I could have said that would have changed the outcome. Where did I fall short? Had I tired of doing good and not been courageous to stand up for what I believed was right? Had I given up too soon?
I felt Jesus gently lift me back up to my feet and with eyes full of compassion, He looked deeply into my tear-stained face.
"You did all you could have done," He whispered. "This is my burden to carry," He continued, pointing at the room.
That day, I understood that I could not let what I perceived to be a failure to stop me from continuing to do what God had called me to do. I was doing all I possibly could with these very difficult campaigns and that was all God asked of me - to do my best. The rest was His to take care of, His Son's cross to bear, and His burden to carry.
Let the journey continue!
Goliath: Meet Faith and the Denver Broncos
by Joyce Villeneuve on 01/09/12
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find [Me], when you search for Me with all your heart."
As I prepared to watch the Steelers/Broncos playoff games yesterday, I couldn't help but notice how every commentator was practically giving the game to the Steelers, even before the coin toss.
"Good grief!" I thought to myself. "Just let them play first."
As I listened to the commentators and heard all the reasons about why the Steelers would defeat the Broncos, I chuckled to myself. The story of David and Goliath in the Bible came to mind, and I remembered how a mere child had battled and defeated a giant - all with just a slingshot and some rocks.
"You guys are going to eat those words here soon," I said to myself.
I won't lie. I wanted the Broncos to win. Like many Bronco fans, I had watched in fascination as the team had defeated much better teams, against the odds. I had praised God as the team pulled off win after win, and left the naysayers with heads shaking and mouths opened in disbelief. I actually enjoyed seeing that part of the after game commentaries.
Sure, the Broncos had made many mistakes in the last three games and lost against the Kansas City Chiefs when they could have won that game. But, it would be a fatal mistake to forget that the Broncos had also won six games back-to-back.
The team's determination, focus and will to win were palpable in yesterday's game and win they did in a magnificent single play in overtime. In my humble opinion, and I confess I do not know much about football, they won because they believed. They believed in themselves, they believed in each other, and they believed in the plays that they executed.
But, there is one other element that I believe also came to play as well. Faith. I would wager that some of them believed in God and the plans that He has for each of them. Truth be told, I have prayed during each game and after each win that people watching would see the faith so openly displayed and crave a similar relationship with God.
Many reports in today's newsfeeds buzzed with opinions about the game and Tim Tebow's faith.
As I reflected on the outcome of the game, I thought about the many times in my life, when faith had given me a miracle - a daughter who had to undergo an angioplasty, and whose heart "became normal," leaving the cardiologist and surgeon staring in disbelief; a son who survived a major accident after I had held, wept and prayed over him, asking God to send His strongest angels to watch over him as he prepared to leave on a Summer of national competitions; and another daughter who had badly sprained an ankle four days before a State competition that her heart craved to compete in - after praying over her, our family watched her and her team make it to the State finals. So many other moments of faith - small moments of knowing that only God could have given you the outcome.
Some would argue that God does not pay attention to football games. Maybe not.
However, seeing a team win against the odds gives me hope. Seeing a young man, who has been ridiculed and mocked because of his open love and worship of God, face Goliath week after week, losing game after game, come back in humble faith and total trust in God and help his team win a game that they should have lost inspires me.
Unemployed? Broken relationship? Struggling? Overwhelmed to the point of not knowing where else to turn? Be encouraged and pick yourself up again. Look up and fix your eyes on God and believe that He loves you and wants only the very best for you. Believe and trust in the plans that He has for you. You may be surprised by the outcome, just as Goliath was.
Let the journey continue!
You're Not Good Enough!
by Joyce Villeneuve on 12/02/11
Last week was a difficult week.
I woke up to an intense and unbearable pain in my heart. I knew what was causing the pain. I tried to avoid thinking about it. I tried to block all thought of the memory, as I had for almost four years. This time, there was no pushing the thought away.
"You deserve the director position, but I don't have anyone else on the floor that can do what you do. So I am going to give the director position to someone else."
Oh, how clearly I remembered that day. I remembered thinking about how unjust that decision was. I had after all, worked hard and earned that position. I had used my gifts and talents faithfully, and given everything I could. I had not simply gone through the motions, but worked hard, even to the point of being told that I needed to pull back a little because I was intimidating to some of my co-workers, as my standards were too high. How can one's standards be too high when you are working in a ministry? I never understood that. After all, I believed that we were working according to Colossians 3:23:
And whatsoever ye do, do [it] heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men
With a heavy heart, yet in obedience to authority, I did continue at the ministry in the position I was placed in, all the time praying that I could continue to work heartily as unto the Lord. My heart was broken when I was not given that director position. I felt like I was being told that I was not good enough to be a director. It didn't matter how hard I had worked, or that I was qualified for the position.
That last year at the ministry was one of the hardest of my life. Finally, I found myself praying to be released from that calling, and in His mercy, God did release me and gave me a different calling.
As I contemplated the pain in my heart, I realized that I would yet again have to forgive that person who had caused such pain and hardship in my life. I had to forgive that person for making me feel that I wasn't good enough to be a director. I had to forgive that person for taking me for granted, to the point that I had no other choice, but to cry out to God to release me from what I truly believed was my purpose in life. And as I wept at yet another injustice, I remembered a quote I had read by Mother Teresa of
The Miracle of Forgiveness
by Joyce Villeneuve on 09/28/11
She walked in quietly, head bent, eyes downcast, sadness, despair and pain in every line of her body. She took a seat towards the back of the room and sat down, not bothering to look at the other women around the room, or even those seated right next to her. Her arms, crossed tightly around her tiny body, as if to protect herself from any more hurt, said it all. She didn't want to be here.
My heart overflowed with compassion and understanding, as I watched her from the stage. I knew that place so well. I have been there. That place of despair and anguish and pain. That place where you are in so much pain that you don't want to have people around you, don't want to hear anyone speaking, or telling you that you are going to be okay, because in your mind, clouded by the pits of darkness, all you can feel is pain, despair, anguish and shame.
I began to speak.
"It is so good to be here with you, sharing what God has done in my life. Not all of what I am about to share with you is pretty. But, that is what life is about. It is not always pretty. Sometimes it is just plain ugly. We let ourselves down. We hurt other people without meaning to. And other people hurt us, without realizing what pain they put on our hearts. Pain and scars that we carry around for a long time; pain and scars that lead to anguish, and deep-seated anger, bitterness and depression. No, life is not always fair. And, it takes courage to live it. But I can tell you one thing. Life is made even more difficult when we harbor grudges or anger or bitterness. Or, if we do not forgive others or ourselves."
I glanced at her as I spoke. Her arms were still tightly wound across her chest, but her head was tilted to the side. Even though she wasn't looking at me, I knew she was listening.
"Please open her heart to receiving this message of hope and healing, Father. Please let her find the miracle of You," I prayed silently.
I continued to share my testimony and journey of forgiveness, grace and redemption. I talked about a job that I had thought was the perfect job and one that I truly believed that God had called me to, only to find out that it was the wrong job for me. I shared how I had heard God ask me to give that job up and even though I did resign from that job in obedience to Him, how I got so angry at God that I walked away from Him and the wonderful relationship we had. I wept openly as I shared my journey of pain and anguish at losing touch with God, and how He was there waiting for me when I was ready to return to Him after eight lonely months. I shared with joy the new career that He had called me to in ministry and how I knew that I was fulfilling and living my purpose every day I was in that position.
"God never leaves you, even if you think He has forgotten you. Even in your worst trials and troubles, He is there with you," I stated.
I glanced at her, and saw her arms slide gently onto her lap. She was watching me closely.
"I don't know what you have each gone through in life," I continued. "The hurts and pains that have been inflicted on you; the sufferings that hold you captive, day after day. Perhaps you were abused as a child and have not been able to get past that. I know what it's like. I've been there. Perhaps like me, you had a career that you thought was the best and you worked hard and you were faithful and loyal to your employer for many, many years, only to be laid off and you feel the anguish as you struggle financially, wondering how you are going to make ends meet. I know what that's like. I've been there. Or, perhaps you had a wonderful marriage or a cherished relationship that was taken away from you and you are angry and bitter. I almost lost my husband and kids because my eyes were veiled with pride and ego. I am humbled that I was saved from that loss.
Perhaps you have a dream that has not come to fruition and you keep asking God "When? When will it be my turn? When do I get to see my dream come true?" And you find yourself becoming bitter as that dream fritters away. Maybe, just maybe, that is not God's dream and plan for you.
Perhaps you have suffered a brutal and traumatic event in your life that has left you in so much pain that all you can do is think about it day after day, reliving each frightful moment. I know what that's like. I've been there. I have had to forgive the man who inflicted a traumatic act of violence on my body that left me suffering from post-traumatic stress and depression for five years. I screamed and railed at God for allowing this event to happen in my life. "You could have stopped this!" I remember wailing deep in my stomach. "Yes," I heard Him say. "But I have given man free will." And I felt God weep. He does weep for us you know. He sits shoulder-to-shoulder with us as we mourn and grieve what others have done to us. And He gives us the grace and the courage to forgive, when we ask Him to. He takes that pain and anguish and He turns it into moments of deep beauty and grace.
She was weeping. That soulful weeping that comes from that dark place of pain that has finally been allowed into the light. That place of anguish where one can only ask God, "Why?"
"Please let her see that You did not orchestrate that hurt from another, but You allowed it to go through because You have given man free will. Help her to see that You can and will help her through this defining moment, and that someday, she will be able to use that pain to help others and bring honor and glory to You" I prayed, willing her to see a God who truly loved her and would give her the grace to forgive what had been done to her.
Continuing, I said, "Forgive that event in your life that is holding you captive. You know what that situation is. Forgive the person who has inflicted so much hurt and pain on you that you are still angry. You know who that person is. Forgive yourself if you have turned away from God and hardened your heart against Him because you feel that He has betrayed you. That He has not given you that desire of your heart. God knows what is good for each one of us. He sees the whole of our life, not just the present that we live. When He doesn't allow us a desire of our heart, it is because it is not good for us. Trust Him.
Forgive and let go! Because until you forgive you will be held in bondage by that event and you will not see the incredible life that God has in store for you. You will not be able to receive the many blessings that He has planned for you. You will never know His plans for you, plans to prosper you and give you a life of hope. God has given each one of us a gift that no-one else has and you will not find out what that is if you hold on to anger and bitterness, if you do not free yourself from the burdens and anguish that hold you captive, and the only way to do that is through forgiveness. Absolute and total forgiveness."
As I concluded the conference, I looked out at the crowd, searching for her. She was standing at the back of the room. Our eyes connected. We smiled at each other. No words were needed. She was free. I knew that she had encountered God in the miracle of forgiveness.
A Path Out of the Wilderness
by Joyce Villeneuve on 04/08/11
"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:18-19
I scrutinized myself in the mirror this morning. It was the eighth anniversary of the trauma that had been inflicted on my body by a man. I looked at my eyes, searching for any signs of fear or anguish and remembering the sadness and tears that had filled those same eyes for years after the trauma. Today, only joy and peace were reflected back at me. I looked at my body, remembering the ugly bruises of humiliation and shame. Today, only smooth, healthy, glowing skin was reflected back at me. No blemishes, no marks, no bruises. I looked at my lips and remembered that time when I could not smile and no laughter passed those lips. I hated that time. I love to laugh. I love to smile. Today, a gentle smile was reflecting back at me.
"Thank you, Father," I whispered with a grateful heart.
I didn't feel gratefulness in my heart as I went through that trauma that stole five years of my life. I felt anger, bitterness, shame, humiliation and cheated. I felt cheated because the man who had traumatized me and committed this crime against me had gotten away with his crime. It took me a while to realize that he may have cheated the system, but that God would deal with him in His timing. "Vengeance is mine," says the Lord. I had to trust that He would deal with this situation as He saw fit.
I still remember so clearly, one of many conversations I had with God during that time. I smiled as I remembered it again this morning.
God (gently): "You must forgive him."
Me (sulking): "I don't want to."
God (even more gently): "You must. Otherwise you will never be truly happy again."
Me (in a choked voice): "I can't."
God (holding me): "Yes, you can. My grace is sufficient for you."
I did forgive that man. Not only did I forgive him, but by God's grace, I was able to pray for him and ask God to bless him. And because I was able to forgive him and pray blessings upon him, God gave me the grace to find joy again, to smile and laugh and live fully, enjoying the blessings that He had for me. God has truly opened up the Heavens and poured out His blessings upon me; blessings that would have been lost if I had held onto the anger and bitterness I felt against this man for what he had done to me.
Forgiveness is an issue that many struggle with, especially in traumatic situations. But, with God's grace, forgiveness is possible. Total forgiveness, where one is no longer held in bondage by an event or cruelty inflicted by another is possible, with God's grace. And yes, I can testify that His grace is sufficient. I look at April 08 as any other date. It took a while to get to this point, but this event no longer holds any power over me - because by God's grace, I chose forgiveness.
The day I forgave that man was the day I felt God create a new heart in me. For a while, I had been lost in the wilderness of un-forgiveness, parched in the rivers of anger and bitterness and forlorn in the deserts of shame and humiliation. By choosing to trust God with this situation that had torn the very fabric of my being, I allowed God to heal me and redeem me; to once again make the sun rise in my heart and allow me to feel His utter and complete love for me.
What are you holding on to that is keeping you from seeing all of God's plans and blessings for your life? Perhaps it is time for forgiveness. Give the situation over to God and watch Him create a new thing in you - a path out of the wilderness.
Let the journey continue!
